well you can't waste a boner
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
