I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
