Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
