Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize