If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
