I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
