After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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