24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
