Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
