Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize