If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
