Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
