i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
