WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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