The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
