I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
