Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
