Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
