Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
