I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
