That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
