I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
