oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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