You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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