I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize