He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
