He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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