the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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