Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
