I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
