Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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