I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
