i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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