yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
