So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
