Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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