Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
