is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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