Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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