david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
