I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
