Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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