So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We need to rekindle our bromance
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
