I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
