I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
