Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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