Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
