Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize