Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
