singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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